on truth

Today, I read an article in the June issue of Yoga Journal (the publication that inspired my almost daily home practice) that spoke about honesty. It was one of those empowering women stories about all these ladies who are doing amazing things with their lives through the guidance of yoga and its sutras. In the midst of all the inspirational hoopla, there was a section about honesty. The author challenged the reader to be honest with him or herself and said that through this conscious action, the things with which you struggle will start to fade away. Or, at the very least, you'll be able to notice them before they flare up and smooth over the frayed edges.

So I've decided to use this blog as a release. I'm hoping, that by typing this out and sending it into the open interweb, I'll feel more accountable, more honest and thereby more collected in my moments of highest stress and passion.

1. I'm high strung and controlling. I find myself to be happiest when I have something completely planned out and it all happens according to plan.
2. I take my urge to control to the next level: when I'm certain that whatever it is that I'm planning isn't going to go the way I want it to, I explore every other possible outcome: negative and positive, no matter how outlandish they may seem. It makes me feel better to have thought of everything before it happens so that I can deal with it, whatever it might be.
3. I love attention. I will do whatever I can, no matter how crude and lewd (and sometimes dishonest) it may be, to garner laughter or shock from my audience.
4. I have a hot temper. Counting to five or 10 is nearly impossible. If I went on a walk before I talked to someone about something that made me upset, I would save my friends and family a whole world of hurt.
5. I despise fibbing and lying and I assume that every time someone keeps the truth from me, they are doing it to hurt me. Badly.
6. I don't designate my feelings before I share them with other people. I start to feel something and before I assess the situation and make a decision about what I should do, I call other people to see what I should do first. Thereby proving that I don't trust myself.
7. I like to run away from my problems. Ever since the seventh grade. When things get sticky, I start planning a way out. And I'm pretty public about it. But often times, I don't actually leave until a couple years after I knew it was time to go.

I think those are the major ones. I'm sure more will surface once I start my yoga teacher training, because, from what I've heard, stuff really hits the fan and reveals itself in the strangest ways. So look for a part dos in the coming months.